: I'd love to continue living in this moment where memories compile...but I can't

: I'd love to continue living in this moment where memories compile...but I can't. The uncertainty is unbearable and it hurts at best. Sure it would be cool to climbs mountain or dive in seas...all of those adventures....that could be us. Sure we could attend a Hollywood screening or float off into space...ya that sounds like us. But it won't be us. Bathing in the past memories will leave a permanent stench that the notion of new memories won't be able to mask. Progression never equals digression and if this is progress I don't want any piece or whole of it. Sure I made my bed and I've slept in it way too long. I'm starting to get back aches...bed sores. Time for me to wake up and smell the realness cuz if this is what I'm bargaining for, then return it...back to a year ago when I was happy nothing phased me...now I'm all sprung in unrequited love like this man pays me.

Standards of beauty

Blogging Just to Blog

Well I am at liberty to blog when I choose but sometimes I have the worst case of writer's block. LOL. I want to compose my thoughts into words but it seems so hard. It's quite frustrating might I add. It's even more frustrating when you try and compose your thoughts into words and convey them to someone or importance like my boss...teacher...best friends..love interests etc. But it is thee most frustrating when I'm trying to explain my thoughts to myself. Just imagine not being able to understand your thoughts and emotions...its the worst. I feel sub par at best. I'm not easily angered or frustrated when it comes to forces beyond my control but when it comes to me understanding me...I feel like going ballistic. Hmmmm that was great venting. Well I'm gonna go try and break down my thoughts...I'm sure that I'll end up pulling out the little hairs I got left. Maybe I'll be able to share :)

Love is in the Air

So I'm in my cousin Erline's wedding and as the supportive cousin she has always been, she helped me realized that the things I feel that I've been yearning for isn't what I actually want nor Need. At first it was companionship #whooopDIdo.  But that'll only get me so far. What's companionship if its unrequited? Why go horse for someone that wouldn't do it for you? Your feelings and actions my dictate one thing but how they are received is crucial. Looking thru the history of relationships I've seen...mentored...and experienced, I've come to a conclusion what components of a relationship matter and which ones don't.  Concerning me, I would have been more than elated to be in love with my bestfriend. My bffl would know me inside and out. He'd know about my character development...my emotional flaws...my every last quirk...what makes me tick...what my values are...can tell when I'm bullshitting my emotions...my resting heart rate (ok I was Jus kidding bout That) but basically in a nutshell I would like to see if calamity were to fall on our relationship, at the end of the day I would still have my bestfriend :). That's why its most important to me to build strong friendship bases. It's not important that we have sex regularly or hold hands in public or claim me in public...or go on dates all time . That's minuscule and will not matter to me at the end of the day. But an honest friendship could take a relationship far. Anyways, here's to you Erline and Ashley check out their website.

Letting go of that echo

I'be come to notice that I hold onto what we have because I'm listening to the echo of the memories we've shared. Holding onto memories is a double edged sword. As happy as they have made me...I.should learn to leave memories in their moment. If not, I will be blinded by the shortcomings of the"here and now"

Blogger Blogger on the Screen...Tell me "WHERE HAVE I BEEN" nah mean?

Ya, welll the title may have been a bit on the cornball side, but I have been missing in action for a little bit. It's healthy to take some time to sort my thoughts...and to my amazement, IT DIDN'T WORK lol.

My head will explode soon with thoughts of shoulda, coulda wouldas.
But once I sort them out, i'll be golden.