TeeHeeHeery!

TeeHeeHeery!

mY PRETTY PET

mY PRETTY PET
don't judge him!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

My 2010 Revalations

I guess day 365 is just around the corner. I thought i'd be a bit more psyched...happy...but in all honesty, it'll feel just like day 366. This year I made "resolutions/bucket list" but, well that's the way this cookie crumbled. I would love to say I did everything I wanted to do or traveled everywhere I wanted to travel, but that wasn't the case. Instead I took a different route this year. Instead of me going into 2010, I let 2010 come to me. And let me tell ya. My heart got heavier everyday. I guess I have to say I am a firm believer in making yur own luck/destiny because to do it other wise, you are setting yourself up for defeat.

Things I've learned to accept about myself:

1. I am emotional. I've suppressed my emotions for too long that they leak thru every smile, frown, comment or action i make. And it's fine to be emotional. Emotions good or bad are a part of life. I'd rather experience these emotions then take them back. It took me a while to realize this but, it's me. If I am sad or happy, you'll know it. If I am angry for some odd reason, I won't show it. Oh well, maybe when I get these emotions in line...I'll be able to express them better.

i'll write on my feelings and hopes for 2011 when it hits :)


























Friday, December 17, 2010

Guess What???

B4 you get your MOUMOUs in a bunch

A concept is: –noun


1. a general notion or idea; conception.

2. an idea of something formed by mentally combining all its characteristics or particulars; a construct.

3. a directly conceived or intuited object of thought (According to the dictionary )
 
THEREFORE TO CONCEPTUALIZE MEANS: TO PUT THOSE CONCEPT OR IDEAS INTO WORDS OR INTO A SIMPLER MEANING SO THAT EVERYONE CAN UNDERSTAND....OR YOU CAN REFER BACK TO the dictionary :
 
 verb (used with object)


1. to form into a concept; make a concept of
 
 

You probably guessed right...I'm back to THINKING TOO HARD...even LOS says so...that means it's true. But there is so much going on in my head. I have a visual of what's going on, but conceptualizing my visual...that's going to take some time. But after all, my life is an open book. Whether you'd like to read or not is up to you. Whether you agree or not...THAT'S STILL UP TO YOU. Cuz like Wes would say, "At the end of the Day you have to answer to YOURSELF".

"At the end of the Day you have to answer to yourself": That's once concept I have to grasp. I can admit it. I am so focused on looking to others for the answers and hoping to seek their approval, my little ole' me over here forgot to answer to ME...I FORGOT TO LOOK FOR MY SELF APPROVAL. I remember when facebook statusing *love my lingo???* "When is too much, TOO MUCH? Then Alicia Marie (SOMEONE I WILL SOON BLOG ABOUT BECAUSE I THINK SHE IS FLIPPIN AWESOME...considering how we've become amicable)...but anywho when I asked that question she said: "Too Much is TOO MUCH when you are interfering with the person you truly are." (Alicia Marie ---I swear she's brilliant) But it was like an Edison Light Bulb went off in my head SHOUTING AT ME EUREKA!!
Chardline Therese Felicity Chanel-Faiteau !!! What have you been doing??? OR HAVE YOU FORGOT ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU CAME FROM???

Seeking approval from others to gain companionship? Martine Anestine Chanel would slit your TWAT!
Ya, it's true Ma, I'm not too sure if I conceptualized this correctly, but I think this may be it. It takes a lot to admit that, but EVEN MORE to come to terms with that reality. I'm sure my feelings are genuine with each person in which I tried to make companionship with, but I feel as if I probably went the extra mile. But who knows...I've always been this way. It was always my natural disposition to be the nice...kind hearted person that I am. But maybe like Alicia Marie  said, maybe too much is TOO MUCH. I haven't really ever met a person as over the top going as me. It's creeps me out a bit (when on the inside looking out). I strive the happiness and acceptance of others, where I am not even sure if I have accepted myself.  Maybe my conceptualization is starting to come into place. So first off, I have to apologize to my lovely mother who has given me the tough love and told me to stop crying, but gives me her instant approval everyday because she knows I deserve it! Sorry Mommy, You raised me better then that.

#CruelestRealization huh? But, this is what being young is all about...living and learning. You seek all the satisfaction possible, and sometimes you get nothing in return. But I've come to learn that the best things in life come to you when you aren't looking for them. So I'll have to glue this post on my wall til it sinks in. Cuz it's the only way I'll be able to be happy with myself. Not this self procuring happiness that comes from satisfying others but the happiness that I can have without substance abuse, NOR trying to please anyone rather than myself. It is then I will find out what it means to have pure happiness.

Im not done thinking, but for today, I've reached my limit #YahEard?
Whether you like me, hate me or can't stand me...it won't really matter...I'll appreciate you, some more than others <3


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Rolling Down Memory Lane...there's a distant smile

Rolling down memory lane, I observed a distant smile.


No, she was not 50 miles away from me...she was in front of me...but the "distance" in her smile was uncanny. She smiled with ease and glare. It was an instant snapshot. But she wasn't happy, NO, she wasn't  angered, NO...but she kept that smile on her face, as if this was the only thing she knew how to do. Her smile could effect change in anyone who glanced at it. It mesmerized. Not to give into Wonder and Awe nor Amazement, but instead it caused confusion.




A confusion that stood out amongst her friends. A smile that when you looked in her eyes, they glistened... maybe it was the ghost of her past or maybe it was a foreboding of the future...but she was only ever concerned with the present. But she continues to smile...it's all she knows.

If you ever asked her why does she not frown nor why does she not break...she couldn't answer...she'd only reply with a smile. Not devious nor mischievous, a subtle and serene smile. She was best at procuring so.



As lady lucky stood beside her,  she smiled...she smiled so arduously because it was like an angelic presence. She didn't know how to react, but she did what she did best...her fond smile. It was like she was destined to do so. There was no better feeling than her smiling. It was her comfort, her safety net, her whole being without reserve.

Give her a chance to smile once, she smile trice. She knew the meaning behind a smile...she felt the meaning behind a smile, she lusts for the feeling behind a smile. She never had a reason to frown...at least to the untrained eye. A grimace...


Infectious as her smile was, she never hid it. She saw beauty with each bone that she moved in her face. She saw it's brilliance and its quiescent that it portrayed. She never let go of the smile that she loathed the most.

Yes, she loathed her smile...she loathed that her smile because she could not portray her happiest retrospection. What she and all saw outward...she couldn't produce internally, but she keeps smiling.